The first time I tried to negotiate a salary was in 1996 - right after college when I was living in New York City
At 24 years old, I had just come off my sophomore year at the small digital creative agency where I worked, rising from administrative assistant to project manager to something more - in less time than it took to get a bachelor's degree (which, btw, took me nearly 11 years, but that's another story)
A young me - possibly earlier than 1996
My starting salary had been $22,500 (~$40,000 today), and my first raise was HUGE - in percentage terms. I got a raise to $30,000 - a 33% raise. I was thrilled! Of course, I still wasn't making enough money to pay off my credit cards living in New York City.
The next year, my boss (founder and head of the company) gave me my review over the phone and told me what a great job I was doing - I got another outstanding raise - this time to $38,000 - a 27% increase.
I don't know what I had been thinking, but the number was bitterly disappointing. I remember thinking "I can't even keep up with my credit card debt from college, even if I continue to rotate between cards with 0% for the rest of my life!" She couldn’t have been expecting my response - near silence, and almost in tears.
I said something like "this is really really generous, thank you. I know how much money we make as a business, so I know this is really a big raise. But…I was hoping for more.”
"Project managers generally make a lot more than I do, and it's very hard to live in NYC on this money. I'm juggling debt across multiple credit cards right now and it's hard for me to focus on work because I'm worried that I'll go bankrupt. I was thinking a little more money would really help."
Her response was perfect. She held the space for me to let out that anxiety. She shared her perspective. The company wasn't bringing in a ton of money, everyone else also needed a raise, and how generous the last two years of raises had been for me. She talked about how much she and her husband had put into the business in terms of effort, money, and sheer grit.
I remember agreeing with all those points and saying so. I said something like "well I don't want to take from anyone else, and I know that what you pay me you don't take home. What I know is that I don't want to do another year of feeling like I'm about to get kicked out of my apartment."
She then asked "what would you need to not feel like that" - I didn’t have a good answer.
Hell - I didn’t have any answer - so again, she helped me out.
“How about $45,000?" I said yes - and thank you.
We talked a bit more; she wanted me to know that I should feel comfortable coming to her with things like this. I wanted her to understand how grateful I was to have the conversation. We agreed to set aside time to talk more like this. We moved from a boss / worker relationship to a mentor/mentee one - a relationship that has lasted decades, and while we don’t talk often, the lessons I learned from her, I carry with me to this day.
I’ll follow this up with my take on crucial conversations - an amazingly useful toolkit for high stakes talks. For now, I just want to say…
Thank you, Marla - so very much appreciated.
Great story, thanks for sharing.